What's your "handicap?"

Choose your poison…

Reflections from a recent road trip (that included the always challenging job of fighting for a handicap spot in Florida during high season).

Handicap – a disadvantage that makes progress or success more difficult (from Webster’s)

Phoneycap - OK, try me. What in the heck is wrong with you?
Fattycap - No, ma’am. Just ‘cause you’re fat doesn’t mean you can park here.
I’mtooimportantforrulescap – Enough said. Nope, park where you’re supposed to, mister.
Oldiecap - If you’re over 100…maybe…otherwise, move it and walk.
Crazycap – I know there’s nothing physically wrong with him but I’m not gonna risk my life telling him to move.
Redneckcap - Yeah, that’s a gun rack in the window. Got a problem with where I parked?
Lazycap – Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.
Bullycap - See Redneckcap.
Tardycap – Next time don’t be late and you’ll have plenty of time to find a legal spot.
Richiecap - Move the Benzo before I key it, pal.
Smellycap - Whoa. What’s that smell? On second thought, the spot’s all yours.
Therearenootheropenspotscap – Sorry, not a valid reason. Write ‘em up.

Got you parking placard yet? Why not…it’s easy. What’s your “handicap?”

Addiction...

Hi, my name is Mike and I’m an addict. (All together: “Hi, Mike”).
It all started for me in college. Illegally. Not surprisingly.
My first two were definitely illegal – I didn’t pay, qualify or even register.
I just jumped in.
It was too easy to follow the crowd.
I didn’t know what I was doing.
After two, I took a four year "leave."
It wasn't by choice. Shit happens.
A few years later I was back at it again. Doing it differently than most.
And I haven’t stopped in over 17 years.
I got my last fix just about a week ago.
I’ll admit it.
Should I really call it a fix?
I couldn’t hold off any longer.
It was number fifty-something but, to be honest, I’ve lost count.
I drove about twelve hours for this one.
And it was over in about three.
My addiction has reached new levels.
I did this one purely for fun.
No gun time. No chip time. Just fun time.
I never knew it would get like this.
I don’t want to stop.
I just can’t.
Why should I?
What are the alternatives?
How would I get my fix?
On a couch with a beer watching sports on TV?
No way. That’s not me.
I gotta be a part of it. I need the energy.
I want the pain.
I’ve done all types.
Flat ones. Hilly ones. Warm ones. Cold ones. Even wet ones.
Cold, hilly, wet, windy ones here and there too.
On American soil and on foreign ground.
Each one is unique.
Every time is a challenge.
I’ve even thought about doing two in a weekend.
That's right.
It’s that addicting.
From the first two I ran as a Boston bandit to the last one I rolled in a wheelchair and won.
I’m a marathoner.
I’m an addict.
I don’t want to stop.
I can’t.
Care to join me?

I like my beats funky, I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

It's gonna be one of those sunny and warm winter weekends that make the South such a great place to be! Gotta get up and dance for that one!

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That's all right 'cause my body's in motion
It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
jig around, shakin' ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Hump
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world,
keep on doin' the Humpty Dance,
and to the ladies, peace and humptiness forever!

What have I learned?

So I began my foray into the world of blogging by sharing just a little of "what I've learned" with you (see version 1.0 in an early January 2008 post). I hope to continue adding to this regularly for a couple of reasons. First, I believe we learn so much everyday that it becomes important to share with others some of our important lessons. Second, and perhaps more importantly, I don't want to forget all the stuff I've learned so I need to write it down! Behold...version 2.0. Herein, I thought I'd share just a few of the lessons shared by others (plus one from me). Enjoy. And thanks, Jack, you're right!

What I’ve learned (v 2.0)...

I can’t always control my body the way my mind wants me to. I can control how clear my mind is. And I can control how willing I am to step up if somebody needs me.
(Michael J Fox)
Discipline is doing the same thing the right way whether anyone’s watching or not.
(Michael J Fox)
God will not place a burden on a man’s shoulders knowing that he cannot carry it.
(Muhammad Ali)
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
(Muhammad Ali)
Never accept ultimatums, conventional wisdom or absolutes.
(Christopher Reeve)
If you don’t know about pain and trouble, you’re in bad shape. They make you appreciate life.
(Evil Knievel)
Changing your nature is the hardest thing to do. But I discovered that you can be who you choose to be.
(George Foreman)
Who doesn’t like spaghetti?
(Rodney Dangerfield)
If I complain about a traffic jam, I have no one to blame but myself.
(Steve Wynn)
Do unto others. How much deeper do we really need to go?
(Jack Nicholson)
My interest in life comes from setting myself huge, apparently unachievable challenges and trying to rise above them.
(Richard Branson)
Paul Newman is the personification of cool
(Burt Reynolds)
The day your curiosity dies, your life is over.
(Rod Steiger)
True freedom cannot exist without emotional satisfaction.
(Rod Steiger)
Never underestimate the comfort of a warm pair of socks.
(Me)

Be well.

True dat!

So it's a rainy Friday and I thought I'd brighten the day with a little bit of off-beat humor and fun. Plus, I'm kind of cranky as I stare at piles of paper. There's definitely a point to be made here. No, this isn't politics and doesn't offer a bi-partisan solution to solving the Social Security mess but at the end of the day, how can paper really trump rock?

Be well.